remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
