Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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