youre lurking in front of me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
