I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
