you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
