from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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