i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
operation have a gay friend backfired
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
