Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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