Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
