You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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