Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
