Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
