i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
