I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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