You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
