I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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