HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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