i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
