party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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