I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Randomize
