Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
