the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
