Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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