It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
