I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
