tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
