He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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