"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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