YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
