My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
