remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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