we have pet lesbian snakes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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