i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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