Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dude. I can hear the air.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
