So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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