oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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