When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
