i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think i have two assholes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
