I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
