Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
