My room smells like vodka and shame
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
