Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
