I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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