I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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