i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
