She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
