Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
