can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
