I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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