sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
