Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
