I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
