Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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