im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All the doctor said was why
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
